he managed to accuse me actually how i was controlling him all this time actually (even if i totally wasnt) and how he never got 'accepted' by me for 'who he is'
From his perspective this is probably true. He is an alcoholic. He wants to drink when he wants to drink, period (and as much as he wants to drink).
He doesn't have a problem with his drinking, you do.
You don't want him to drink, you want him to quit drinking and seek recovery.
Now that may be the wise decision and probably seems obvious to you or pretty much anyone, but that doesn't mean it's his decision for his life. So no, you don't accept him for who he is, truthfully.