Sorry guys, I ended up buying beer and drinking. I just cant handle the rejection, the loneliness and the lack of acceptance I encountered in my local city in Florida, United States.
Im odd man out, I just dont fit in. In a culture that values beauty and riches above all else....I dont posses either. The beauty i will never attain it, its just not in my genetics. And the money....I dont have the skillset to earn it and my brain is too wet and stupid to learn a new trade that will allow me to earn it.
I am a black sheep, I was born deformed and i should have been aborted at birth. If i was born 200 years ago i could have gathered wood, leaves, worked hard and set up the camp and been a part of the tribe, huddled together to stay warm.
But in 2019 I am mal-adapted to survive in this new world. I get on the bus and want to have a conversation with strangers but their faces are buried in smartphones and they look up at me in annoyance for having interrupted them. I want to give them a hug but they dont want to be touched.
This is a barbarian planet. I dont know how I got here. The coldness, the separation....the lack of tactile touch. The dog-eat-dog spirit of competition instead of mutual support, love and sharing. Are people actually happy with this style of culture?
i dont belong here. I didnt want to get drunk. I just want to emotional hurt to go away.