Purina, I feel like this is all getting you so wound up, and you are doing so so well: I don't want anyone to sabotage your progress here.
I understand that you are upset, but I also understand your friend not wanting to do that. That would make me uncomfortable as well....sorry.....with love....but it would. Please try not to take it as he doesn't care about you.... there doesn't have to be blowback here: you can just let it go. Do the meeting if you want, your friend will be fine with you, and you can still ignore (politely) the oldtimers who are too persistent.
Hope you don't mind me sharing my thoughts.
s