Originally Posted by Purina

Day 25!

I had a problem today at an NA meeting. 2 of the old-timers came up to me at the end of the meeting and they both started to hammer me about when am I going to get a Sponsor and when am I going to start stepwork and I should have told them to just F-off but I am too much of a nice guy.

Now there is 1 of them that EVERY SINGLE TIME he sees me he says "I have 2 questions for you: #1 who is your sponsor and #2 what step are you on?" And literally he says that to me every single day and it is making me uncomfortable.

Now i dont know what to do other then to stop going to that particular meeting. This exact same thing happened to me in AA and that is why I switched to NA.

I am a skinny person and all my life my only coping mechanism has been to run away from confrontations and to crawl in a hole and hide.

So now I am in danger of getting drunk because my main support has been those meetings but I feel like a phony also because if I tell them the truth which is that i dont believe in stepwork then I will be treated like a leper.

One time i shared at an AA meeting that I did not agree with step 5 and 9 and that I refused to do them and THE BLOWBACK from that was insane! People cross talked after my share and publicly insulted me!

These people are part of a hive mind and anybody who refuses to submit to Mother Group and to assimilate and swallow the program hook, line and sinker is treated like a leper!

So now I dont know what to do. But I am a sincere and candid person I cannot bring myself to act like a phony and pretend anymore that I am "just like them".

The truth is that I formally did steps already in the past and went all the way to step 9 but then i got drunk one day when i had like 10 months clean.

I will tell you one thing: I REFUSE to do another step 5 with another new stranger and to confess my sins to a human that I dont even really know. I already did it like 6 different times with 6 different sponsors and I am sick and tired of doing a 5th step and talking about my disgraceful conduct from the past.