I so know what you are going through. I was with my ex for 16 years. Quit several time but always relapsed. Last 2 years were not fun, and one of those he was sober but a dry drink. I hit my rock bottom when I confronted him and gave him an ultimatum. It worked because he was at a point where he felt he could no longer go on like this he just needed that final kick in the butt. He didn’t want to lose this marriage and I already thought: not sure this is salvageable. But I was willing to give it a try because we have a kid. He went to rehab (which made things so much worse between us) for 3 months, got clean stayed clean, changed a fair amount etc etc. Was doing everything right. Yet, I couldn’t get past all the hurt and resentment. He was ready to move on with me but he didn’t live the so called tornado I lived and suffered through and my feeling were mostly gone. They say to give it at least a year before making any life changing decisions. That said you aren’t wrong to quit now and you’re not wrong to give it time. I am glad we waited a whole year at least because things needed to be said in marriage counseling but I am so much happier alone. I really had been alone for a long time already but had the added stress of being with an alcoholic. I am proud that he got clean and appreciate the hard work he did but I just couldn’t see myself staying with him, once feelings are gone they are re gone and they are hard to get back. I didn’t want to stay together for our kid just to end up divorcing once she is in college. I didn’t want to waste 10 years of my life. I’m not getting any younger. Ultimately he called the divorce because he had had enough of my shenanigans. It sucked but it was the best for me and I am much happier now.
You don’t need to make a decision today or tomorrow. My counselor stressed to me many times that I needed to be sure and that I would not have any regrets, no matter which decision I ended up going with. It took me a long time to come to term with it but I have no regrets.
Good luck to you, take care of you and make decision based on what is best for you. I totally understand the guilt of not wanting to be with someone who had done all this hard works to get clean and sober. But in the end you are not doing you or her and favors by staying because she worked to hard to get sober. They have had many chances to do that and they waited too long. That wasn’t your fault,