Hi Dandylion, well we mind if you die or not, if you die there are a lot of people here who would be devastated. I read one of your other posts just now where you say you're too old to change! Well I beg to differ, I'm 10 years older than you and have 15 months sober on Saturday after drinking for the best part of 20 years, ( I was a late starter). I've been where you are now, it's not nice and it's not easy but you can do it, bloody hell if I can, you can. We're all on your side, we have your back. Big gentle hugs to you. Xx