I have sincerely done that. I had so many attempts and failures at trying to control my drinking, I had to admit utter defeat, and ask for help. I went the AA way. To the core of my being, I know that I can never SAFELY use alcohol again.If I'm controlling my drinking, Im not enjoying it, and if Im enjoying it, I'm not controlling it...Just trainwrecking my way through the lives of those I love most. So there is no point for me to drink it.
Toying with the idea is a non starter for me. I can not afford to think for one single second that I am able to drink. It has always ended badly. If the thought pops up and starts to over stay its welcome, I have to talk to someone and think ALL the way through the first drink. Getting sober was the hardest, most important thing that I have ever done. I dont know if i could ever get it back again.
I dont post much, but I check in here every day. It helps. I saw that you got a new dog. So did I! If I went back to drinking, I would be unqualified to care for him. I rescued him, and he rescued me. My dog does not keep me sober, but he is a reminder that I am undependable when I put alcohol into my body. I signed up to care for him for the rest of his/my life.
A client tipped me with a bottle of red wine today. I have no desire to open it. I am regifting it. That is a miracle! But, if I sat here and let myself believe that I could do it one more time I would start believing my own lies.
Keep it simple, so hard. The struggle is real in the beginning. It gets better, but not if you keep pulling at the thread that you can drink again.