Hi all. first as a kid in the 1960's my Pop knew everything I took a breath. never got to grow up. just step very very carefully through the teen years. lived at home in college walked to class with my Pop.. my 18th birthday Pop had a keg popped at the Tap. only one person not there.. Me. had to be in bed at 7:30pm.. had a good friend realize this in 2008 for a class reunion. Ardy where were you that night. Ally I blew out the candles on the cake Grandma kissed my cheek we all had cake and I went to bed like all the other times..
in 1980's my oldest son became very ill. almost lost my Ivan a couple of times.. when I was by myself and Barr and Melly where tucked in safe and sound . hubby gone to work at night I drank myself in to a puddle of tears.. no other adult around..
became a Lady Clown and in Magic because of a tiny job with Holiday Inn. my drinking was carefully structured so it did not interfere with work or paying the bills. other adults nope had some high school kids that babysat for me once in awhile and I walked backwards to being 16 with them. for a very short time.. Divorce set it. and things got nasty but my High School friends stuck with me and my kids tight. maybe I grew a bit. Know that for the small tight group that held us tight my Kids grew up to be great adults that had a ball being kids and watching the teen agers around us..
I am I an adult like my kids are No.. do I shoulder a lot of responcisablity that maybe I should not have too. Yep.. do I regret something Yep.. is it hard being 69.. and knowing that I am burying more of the classmates I went to high school with. Yep.. do I have a wish.. once in awhile. and then I put the Michael Jackson song on Have you seen my childhood... for he really never had one at all. and at 50 all he wanted was some kids to like him for being the child he was.. my Eddie Lee has helped me be the adult Lady.. that I love being. .. but that will end sooner then it should for his health is not good and he will be the 9 year old that screams I have to have or I will make your life nasty. and I wil be the care taker not wife or lover or friend but CareTaker that has to let him have what he has to have.. and his heart will say dummy watch this . and pop life will change again.. what is that poem.. about
letting me be a child tonight just for a moment of time.. yep wish that were real every so often. just an Old Lady Clown