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I'm a man trapped in a teenager's mind.

Old 06-28-2019, 05:35 AM
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I'm a man trapped in a teenager's mind.

Hey everyone,

So I haven't posted this week. Shame on me, but well, yeah shame on me lol.

It has been already two weeks since my last binge. From every binge, I learn something new. I am not where I wish I was in my life (especially regarding the drinking part), but I'm much wiser and have more tools to deal with my addiction.

So I have been doing a lot of thinking, literally looking myself in the mirror (chubby but still good looking haha).

Jokes aside, I realized something that was good but painful at the same moment. Even though my responsibilities have increased as I have gotten older, and I kind of have been able to live up to them, I still have the mindset and the mental maturity of a teenager. I'm still an adolescent craving for things that never happened, and probably won't ever happen. A lot of fantasies.

Anyway, just wanted to share that.

All the best,
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Old 06-28-2019, 05:39 AM
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I think that is typical of almost every human on earth. At least I have heard that so often it is cliche. The mindset part anyway. Not necessarily the mental maturity part.
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Old 06-28-2019, 07:27 AM
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I am a very emotionally immature person. I have thought on the 'why' of this a lot. Very dysfunctional alcoholic family. Immature parents. Yadda Yadda. But I think I'm also just 'this' way. Don't know why.

A huge part of staying sober for me is realizing that I needed to grow the he!! up. My addiction is selfish, impetuous, dangerous, destructive. It is, in essence, an angry 8 year old that wants what it wants. So if you're a teenager you've got years on me

That little girl in me seems to never truly go away. But most of me is a more evolved adult and I have to learn to wrestle the reigns from her when she comes screaming in (triggered I guess would be the word). No. She can't have what she wants just because she wants it. And it feels very good to know I have the ability to take control and make the right decisions...even if they aren't always what I 'want' in the moment.

I think in order to stay sober, most of us have to grow up. And that can be a challenge.
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Old 06-28-2019, 08:29 AM
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i had heard early on that an alcoholic can stop growing mentally and emotionally when they pick up their first drink. i found it true for myself-36 when i got sober, i was 13 mentally and emotionally. i had a LOT of learning to do.
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Old 06-28-2019, 08:40 AM
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These posts are spot on xx
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Old 06-28-2019, 08:52 AM
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Sounds to me like your having a mini mid life crisis which most people have at some point. I hope you have some people to lean on for support during this awakening and don't just go back in to the bottle for support. Stay on these forums as much as you can.

I agree that I was very stunted from all the years of drinking and not just emotionally but physically and financially as well. I haven't had any money problems like some people but realize how many years I wasted not working to my full potential is staggering.

The years I cant get back but I can move forward with what I still have in front of me
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Old 06-28-2019, 09:04 AM
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This is very common for alcoholics/addicts when they get sober. Like has been mentioned emotional growth stops at the age the substance starts being abused. A massive part of recovery programs such as the 12 steps of AA is about working through this and accepting life as is. For me I had to deal with stuff that Id never worked through at 14. Its painful but it has to be done to recover.

Recovery for me as well as many others who I know well has been simply about growing-up. Losing the ego which is often rooted in childish emotional responses.
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Old 06-28-2019, 10:22 AM
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Hi Hope, I'll share with you a couple of examples of something very similar. I too noticed I was stunted in my mental maturity when I was a ctively drinking. And it was simply true. Now, my BIL is still drinking and I can't talk to him much because its like I'm talking to a teenager and I'm not in that same space anymore. Wishing you the best.
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Old 06-28-2019, 10:46 AM
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Hi all. first as a kid in the 1960's my Pop knew everything I took a breath. never got to grow up. just step very very carefully through the teen years. lived at home in college walked to class with my Pop.. my 18th birthday Pop had a keg popped at the Tap. only one person not there.. Me. had to be in bed at 7:30pm.. had a good friend realize this in 2008 for a class reunion. Ardy where were you that night. Ally I blew out the candles on the cake Grandma kissed my cheek we all had cake and I went to bed like all the other times..
in 1980's my oldest son became very ill. almost lost my Ivan a couple of times.. when I was by myself and Barr and Melly where tucked in safe and sound . hubby gone to work at night I drank myself in to a puddle of tears.. no other adult around..
became a Lady Clown and in Magic because of a tiny job with Holiday Inn. my drinking was carefully structured so it did not interfere with work or paying the bills. other adults nope had some high school kids that babysat for me once in awhile and I walked backwards to being 16 with them. for a very short time.. Divorce set it. and things got nasty but my High School friends stuck with me and my kids tight. maybe I grew a bit. Know that for the small tight group that held us tight my Kids grew up to be great adults that had a ball being kids and watching the teen agers around us..
I am I an adult like my kids are No.. do I shoulder a lot of responcisablity that maybe I should not have too. Yep.. do I regret something Yep.. is it hard being 69.. and knowing that I am burying more of the classmates I went to high school with. Yep.. do I have a wish.. once in awhile. and then I put the Michael Jackson song on Have you seen my childhood... for he really never had one at all. and at 50 all he wanted was some kids to like him for being the child he was.. my Eddie Lee has helped me be the adult Lady.. that I love being. .. but that will end sooner then it should for his health is not good and he will be the 9 year old that screams I have to have or I will make your life nasty. and I wil be the care taker not wife or lover or friend but CareTaker that has to let him have what he has to have.. and his heart will say dummy watch this . and pop life will change again.. what is that poem.. about
letting me be a child tonight just for a moment of time.. yep wish that were real every so often. just an Old Lady Clown
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Old 06-28-2019, 04:43 PM
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I was that way too Hope, but the more things I faced sober the quicker I 'grew up'...

I started off being terrified of that process but I love it now...being an adult is cool to me now, even the not so fun bits

D
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Old 06-29-2019, 07:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Hope1989 View Post
Hey everyone,

So I haven't posted this week. Shame on me, but well, yeah shame on me lol.

It has been already two weeks since my last binge. From every binge, I learn something new. I am not where I wish I was in my life (especially regarding the drinking part), but I'm much wiser and have more tools to deal with my addiction.

So I have been doing a lot of thinking, literally looking myself in the mirror (chubby but still good looking haha).

Jokes aside, I realized something that was good but painful at the same moment. Even though my responsibilities have increased as I have gotten older, and I kind of have been able to live up to them, I still have the mindset and the mental maturity of a teenager. I'm still an adolescent craving for things that never happened, and probably won't ever happen. A lot of fantasies.

Anyway, just wanted to share that.

All the best,
How true! You can't get addicted to a substance unless you have learned it does something for you. Many of us learned in our teens that the quick fix or mood changer of alcohol helps us escape our feelings. Then we run on auto-pilot all our adult lives with this youthful behavior!

Hopefully with time, when we hurt enough and have to or learn enough and want to, we will change. When we understand the psychological cause of our compulsive drinking we can replace it with other high value behaviors that empower us and help us regain control. Reasons for drinking are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness (about whatever in my life makes me feel overwhelmingly trapped).

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:11
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Old 06-29-2019, 08:33 AM
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I had the same feelings well into adulthood. I owned a house, had a job, and was married. Legally, I was in every way an adult. I even kind of acted like it, but in my mind, which had accumulated a lot of experience and knowledge, I still thought and felt like I was 18 or 19 years old. I assumed it would always be like that, but eventually, I did start feeling mature, except without the deep wisdom that was supposed to come with it. I'm not sure if that comes later or if it was just a delusion.
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Old 06-29-2019, 08:38 AM
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Glad you are here and sober- getting sober for good is the only way I got to become the best adult me possible. And not be so hard on the little girl that pops up, rather learn from who she was (even in her late 20s .
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