I think for me, I was sort of "in shock" for the first 10 months or so.
If I break it down to it's most basic gut reaction, recovery has sort of been like this...
1-6 months ...Holy *****, I'M GONNA LIVE?!..I need to throw myself into sobriety like a man possessed with a new passion for life...HOW DO I DO THIS??? Everything is RAW. Time to gut up. I was terrified.
6-10 months...this**** is hard....(sarcastically)...I KNOW....I don't drink under any and all circumstances....when does it get better? My brain was tremendously overloaded with information and emotions. It truly felt like sensory over load. I'm grumpy, but resolute. I can barely manage day to day stuff. I'm a mess.
10-12...I'm sooooooooo tired. It was around this time when my brain stopped running to alcohol or relapse every time i felt an emotion. I didn't realize that until it was pointed out to me by my wife.
12 month anniversary...WOW......OMG OMG OMG....WOW...maybe I can do this...
12-15 months....ummmmm.......*****......there is so much to be done. I gotta figure out how to learn to "live" again. It was right around here where I had an epiphany that my first year was learning how to survive...year 2 was gonna be about figuring out "life"
15-24 months...I was on a sobriety tear. Everything was getting easy and I was full of gratitude and just in a full on sprint.
2 years....I've never been sober this long. **** everything not about recovery.
2-3 years, I gained a lot of strength. I worked on me a lot more emotionally. I was repairing relationships and I needed to figure out who I was and what i wanted. Holy **** I'm FAT!!
3 years....Time to stop treading water and do some life changing stuff. I lost about 80 pounds and started to get my career back on path. I still struggle with the fitness stuff. I'm always dieting or working out. I'm always sore....Maintaining anything is always harder than getting there. I have my dream job back, and I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to.
Now...look at what I wrote...life got better.
You're doing great. You're here talking every day and I get the sense this is it for you. All I can say is I'm so glad you made the decision to get back to living. This life we embrace, both the good and bad is so much better than the alternative. I'm excited about the future.