FWN

this really hit home. Even though I didn't want to move here, I've often thought it feels as though I'm here for a reason. I've been able to accomplish so many positive things that are bigger than me here, things I wouldn't have done back in my hometown. We've built a beautiful life here, and it's something to think about on whether or not I want to be here even if my husband isn't in the equation. Quite honestly, I don't like doing social things with him anymore anyway, I haven't for a while. I do so much myself because I always feel like he will embarrass me if he joins.

When my therapist called me yesterday to check in on things (she's busy, haven't had a session with her in a while), she said something that made me think about our marriage as a whole. I've been battling his drinking for so long under the guise of my 'control problems' and 'you should really look into getting some medication because you're so crazy' related to his drinking, that I don't even know what we have left if the drinking resolves. Yes, I love him and yes, we get along well when he's sober because we can have intelligent conversations about work and enjoy the same TV shows at night etc. but does he meet my needs? I don't even know what my needs as a wife are anymore. Is that what a marriage ends up being after 10 years? Everything revolves around his drinking and it has for as long as I can remember. I love to be taken out on dates, he never does that. He forgot my birthday this year, didn't prepare my children at all for it and I was devastated. He never plans anything for us and has taken me for granted for so long. I don't even know what's left.