I’m excited to be coming up on 2 months.
Some thoughts. When I think of being addicted to alcohol, my first thought is “what!? I turned out to be an alcoholic!?!?” I know this is because what I thought of alcoholics when I was growing up was just NOT GOOD. They were immoral, lazy, irresponsible, not family oriented, etc.
I, however, am moral, hardworking, responsible, family oriented, etc.
So, if I think about alcoholics the way the media and world fed them to me my whole life, then it actually weirdly encourages me to drink, because I know but I am NOT any of those attributes I was fed. I am neither immoral, lazy, irresponsible, or not family oriented. SO, I guess I CAN drink, I think to myself.
And that is not good at all.
So, I have to actively, daily, sometimes hourly remind myself what I believe to be true. And that is that the term alcoholic has been so stigmatized and twisted to now make it so damaging and, to me, dangerous. I simply cannot identify with it. Instead, I think of myself as an addict. I was taught all along the dangers of addiction. My first president when I was a kid (actually Ronald Reagan and his wife) spear headed the “just say no!” to drugs campaign. Firefighters were invited into my school to teach us kiddos about it, Fried eggs were cracked on burning pans in commercials, warning me that “this is your brain on drugs”. People understood addiction is a curse. At least in my judgement and amongst my peers/family, we might have judged the initial indulgence in a serious drug (“why would anyone take insert-drug-here!?l” we might have wondered), but we didn’t judge the continued taking of it once addicted. We understood or at least did not judge the addiction. Addiction was scary and powerful.
Now I really get from my own hellish experience with cigarettes and alcohol what addiction is. I understand that it is a chemical thing that is happening in the brain. I understand that drinking again just once starts the obsession and craving back up and going. I understand it is not a personality trait but a reality of the brain. I understand that firefighters should have been discussing alcohol and so should have the commercials. I understand that society should say “drugs” not “drugs and alcohol”. Alcoholics IS a drug, why is anyone implying it is not?I understand all of this, and I remind myself of it all the time. If I think of myself as an alcoholic, I know that is not what I am. I am, however addicted to a drug. My family/friends and I might have said “why would anyone take insert-drug-here and risk addiction!?”, but none of us ever said “why would anyone try alcohol and risk addiction!?” It was such a blind spot.
So, to me, I'm an addict, not an alcoholic. The difference keeps me from drinking.
Just some thoughts.