Originally Posted by
hopeful4 
Hmmmm. I don't know that I agree with that. I think I say good thing about people who deserve it. Yes, every person has a good quality. However, some people are just a$$holes. If you do good people will talk good about you. If you act like a jerk, people will say you are a jerk. It's your actions that count.
My XAH is a prime example. He does have one or two redeeming qualities as everyone does, and I am willing to say that about him. However, I am not going to say those one or two redeeming qualities negate all the BS he puts the people in his life through on a regular basis. I don't even mean me or my kids. Take us out of the picture and it still happens. It's who he is and I have come to accept that.
Interesting and thought provoking post.
I agree 100%. I could have written the same thing about my AXH.
There were many ways he was a good husband. Especially in all things physical, he kept a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes on my back and a warm body in my bed...BUT that does not negate any of the mental and emotional damage he did to me with his alcoholic behaviors. Nor does it negate any of the horrible (sometimes illegal and/or destructive) things he things he did(does) either. His upbringing was unhealthy, so I have empathy because of that, but he could have chosen to rise above that which he was taught. He has chosen not to, instead he uses it as an excuse for the rotten things he does. I think that says a lot about his true character. For him to be aware what he is doing is wrong but to keep finding excuses to do that bad behavior is troublesome, and does not a good spouse make.
I've always said I will have love in my heart for the father of my children, but now I love him from a distance, it's much safer for my health. While I like the idea of focusing on the positive attributes in a person, I think that could be very dangerous if it leads to ignoring the negative behaviors.
Very interesting topic. Thanks!