I need a freaking miracle, man......... to turn my life around. I cant even go to an AA meeting now because I feel I will cry in public and disgrace myself even further.
That would not be a disgrace, it would be
powerful. It would help cleanse you and be a fantastic growth opportunity for everyone lucky enough to be in attendance. By all means. go to a meeting, be a source of change and inspiration for yourself and others. There is power in this moment, use it for good!