Hello, Purina
Suicidal thoughts and untreated alcoholism go hand in hand. It's the disease talking to you. Untreated alcoholism takes away homes, marriages, financial security, priceless friendships, family, careers, any and everything good will go down the drain. The root cause, for me, was untreated alcoholism. I got sober in AA. I cried in meetings, before meetings, after meetings, and during meetings because I felt hopeless.. I had the perception that I was a strong person, but alcoholism is a disease I couldn't get well from it on my own, and it became the persuader. I found hope by being around other alcoholics who had walked the same road as me.
I have a son who just got out of treatment three months ago for depression and alcoholism. What got him to treatment was an unsuccessful attempt to take his life by overdosing three times in a week. He's 45 years old. When he didn't die from the overdose, he told the hospital staff he didn't want to die anymore, that he wanted to live. My best friend's son just not too long ago took his life. He was a dentist with a good practice, a beautiful loving family, yet, he was alcoholic. This disease is no respecter of persons.
You mentioned a couple of things you can do, AA meeting or the Crisis Center. From the outside looking in, both of them sound like they would give you maybe just that little glimmer of hope that you need right now.
Please consider your options. There are alternatives.