I met with a divorce attorney today
My husband doesn’t know I did but I wanted to be prepared. The last time things got crazy was three weeks ago. He threatened to commit suicide, blamed me for all his problems and then wouldn’t answer his phone when I got my son and I out of the house. The crisis line people couldn’t get in touch with him, his brother couldn’t reach him and I ended up letting the cops in so they could do a welfare check on him.
We spent some time apart (he went on a road trip with our son), didn’t drink and when we came back together I told him my boundary: that he would have to be in active recovery or I was done. He went to a couple of meetings, picked up a book on recovery and admitted to his alcoholism.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem committed to recovery. He’s been making the kinds of noises I’ve heard about in meetings (I’m going to Al-Anon meetings) and reading on this and other forums. Now he’s not interested in doing a program or the steps and doesn’t feel like he will get anything from AA. I found a SMART recovery meeting and sent him a link and he hasn’t gone to that. He’s not serious about recovery and tonight I smelled alcohol on his breath.
Part of of the issue is that I was a heavy heavy drinker for 10 years, quit, went to one A.A. meeting and did a lot of reading and did a fair amount of online meetings here at SR. I KNOW I can never drink again. I feel like he is using my recovery as a template for what he can try to do. He’s not so successful at it however, obviously, because he is continuing to drink. He admits he has a problem but does nothing about it.
The divorce attorney painted a pretty bleak picture for him if we divorce. It makes me so so sad.
And I am so sad for his relationship with our son. I know he’s pretty checked out when he’s drunk but when he’s sober- such a great dad. He and my son have a great time together. It breaks my heart.
As far as our relationship- meh- he’s not supportive of my side hustle, resents the amount of time I take to do it. Tells me a bunch of bs about what I should be doing instead. Same old same old.
This divorce is completely new territory that I don’t know how to navigate. Support? Insight? Thanks.