There is one other option. Going no contact about every single thing except constructive conversation regarding the children. That is what I have done with my Xhusband. We literally speak only when required. If he tries beyond that, I explain that I will only speak to him about constructive things regarding our children and nothing else. Then I ignore every other thing he says. It works pretty well.
Thing is, they cannot continue to engage with someone who will not engage back.
Your kids deserve a happy and healthy mom! They have to be first, before you, your needs, before him, and his needs. What is best for your children. I have a feeling this is not it.