Chrysene: I'm sure we all sound pretty dismal about a future with an addict/alcoholic. 5 years ago, I would have doubted anyone who even questioned my love or future dreams with my ex girlfriend. And I sure as hell, didn't have the courage to post on SR like you did... I just quietly read... until I found myself here quite a lot.
But there are simply not enough words to describe what it actually feels like to live with an active alcoholic until you find yourself panicking on their rollercoaster of insanity.
My ex was a top VP at the largest bank in the nation. Just like her, I joined in her justification bandwagon.. "it was only 3 glasses at lunch because she was stressed out"... she was dealing with "$1.2 billion dollars today, that entire boxed wine was needed." Listen, yes not everyone turns into my ex but the snowball affect of addiction is like something I've never seen before. It sadly accelerates like a freight train... and before you know it, it's all just too much and you simply cannot understand how things became this bad, this quickly.
There's always exceptions. But if you're counting drinks already...
I wish you the very best and glad to see you're attending Al-Anon and carefully figuring things out.
Oh, yeah... just like Sleepyhollo mentioned... marriage counseling with an active addict is beyond difficult. My therapist reluctantly agreed to see us together 1x but then, refused to help going forward. He said, after 30+ years of dealing with addicts... 99.9% he declines to provide therapy if one of the individuals is in an active state of addiction. Relationships just cannot heal, grow, or forgive if active addition is present.