1st Sober Holiday
As I write this, I am sitting on the coach going to the airport, Palma Majorca in Spain.
I have just spent 5 glorious nights with my beautiful daughter, who is turning 7 today. We stayed at an All inclusive hotel with 3 fabulous swimming pools and a beautiful beach close by where we divided our time.
I drank water, diet coke, tea, coffee, LOADS of pineapple juice, a couple of Virgin Mary's and even a good old sticky sweet slush puppy or 2!!
People were drinking all around me. Beers, cocktails and wine (my drink of choice) was on tap in the restaurant! The thoughts of a drink did come but I am no longer powerless over alcohol and I can swat them away like an annoying fly!!! I am under no illusion that "just one drink" whether it be a beer, a glass of wine or a cocktail, will take literally EVERYTHING away from me. "Just one drink" would have had me filling up my water bottle at breakfast with that wine on tap. "Just one drink" would lead to absolute carnage. In fact, I have no idea where it will take me. Once I put alcohol in me I have no control whatsoever.
So,,,, I have had the best time! WE have had the best time! Not only did I not drink but the obsession to drink has left me. I feel free. Waking up every day hangover free! Ahhhhh what a true blessing. I always felt like absolute death every morning of every holiday I have had in the last 20 years and had to drag myself out of bed. Ugh! Not this one. We swam, played ball, relaxed on our lilos and threw each other off the lilos!! We jumped waves in the sea, built sandcastles, read our books, ate lots of ice cream, and did some exploring. We went into the kiddies disco at night and I sat watching my beautiful daughter dancing along to the entertainment. I feel completely relaxed and reinvigorated despite it being only 3am here and having to get up for our flight home in the middle of the night. I never knew having a holiday could make one feel so amazing. I always felt like death at the end of my holidays. Even when I was pregnant with my daughter I didn't have an alcohol free holiday 😞😞 I slipped in the odd pina colada and glass of wine with dinner. And when I wasn't doing that I was watching people drink wishing I could. I just didnt know how to live without alcohol.
Every day when I wake up I pray to God to keep me sober and during the day I practice gratitude. Yesterday I was in the pool about 6pm the sun was shining through the palm tree glistening off the clear water, my daughter was swimming in front of me and I just felt so grateful, and so bloody happy. I just said thank you God.
Sober recovery and AA have given me my life back. I will never ever pick up a drink again, one day at a time. I am an alcoholic and I always will be but I do not need or want to drink today. That is a miracle.
For anyone struggling please do not give up. 13 months ago I was broken. Today, I am happy and have real moments of peace and serenity. It hasnt been easy for me. I have struggled some days really badly. And I post here when I do and share in my AA meetings. It hasn't always been easy but I am telling you it is WORTH it.
For the 2nd year running, my daughter will be getting the best birthday present ever, a sober and present mummy..and I have my life back.
❤🙏❤🙏