It really is a matter of the heart, your heart Mish, and nothing else.
I was three months sober when my first sponsor relapsed after his son's death.
He decided he was going to join him the only way he knew how, by drinking himself to death. And it was like blind lightning...
One day, news of his son's fatal overdose.
Next day, he packs up fifteen years of continuous sobriety...
Was his relapse imminent, and triggered by his son's death? Who can really say but him...
We watched him for what seemed like an eternity, day in and day out, for close to a week. Newbs like me, and longer time sponsees of his took turns looking over him, cleaning him up, trying to reason with him...
He's a big man, my sponsor is... It took four of us to take him down once we decided we were going to take a chance and save a life.
His skin was gray that morning, and he smelled of death.
Enough.
He taught me and his other birds a powerful lesson that week.
He lived, but lost a lot of his mental capacities.
His sponsor became my new sponsor.
And we closed the circle like that.