Yep I do relate. I'll make a very long story short: I have been planning to move back to my folks home for some time, to care for them as they both have dementia now. Weeelllll, what an absolutely horrible idea that was/is. And it has taken a year for me to figure this out. Its complex, for sure. But I figured out during my last 3 week stay in March that a large reason I wanted to do this was to be the hero. To swoop in and save the day. Show everyone just how 'competent' I am. Oh Gawd, what was I thinking? I mean, yes, I wanted to do it because I want to be of service. But I truly didn't see this inner motivation. And what a lose lose. No one gives a crap about me. Hero or not. I will never be anything more or less than I am to them. So, guess what? Its up to me to stop giving a rats azz about what they think. But that seems to be impossible. So, out comes the 8 year old kicking and screaming, simply proving my well earned title. I mean, its a lose lose. So I am waiving the white flag yet again and staying the h-e-ll away. I mean, I'm visiting in June. Where I'm going to tell two of the band of brothers that my move is a no go. And I have excellent reasons not to move.....so no problem there. Ugh.
Good for you for standing up for your sissy, black sheep that you are. Or maybe black sheep and scapegoat. But hero and golden child I will never be. You shinned a light on your parents thinking....you were the mirror. No one likes to see themselves being ugly....so of course, its all on you. If you choose it to be. Or maybe, you just scare them?
I had to talk to 2 of my brothers while I was visiting in March about a lot of serious concerns with respect to my parents. Literally they sat far away from me...like I might bite. I thought "look at this body language". At first I was sort of salty over it. And then I realized, I scare them. And it was the body language of teacher to students. I realized my perceptions might not be right at all......
Hmmmmm.