I could relate to the first part of your post. I feel that way too. My family is dysfunctional and alcoholic. So its pretty much a mess. I have learned that I will never be able to change the dynamic. I also have learned that I truly despise who I become in the dynamic. I am part of the dysfunction and it bugs me so much because I seem almost incapable of changing how I respond and react. The best I can do is try to stay detached. But its really hard. Definitely an Achilles heel for me. And I moved pretty far away, across a couple of states, am rarely involved with more than my parents, and it STILL makes me a nut if I have to engage. So while, yeah, I have some scars and some trauma, its on me as an adult to change. its just very hard. I'm like an angry, neglected little 8 year old all over again.
The second part of your post has never happened for me. They 'notice' you. They are reaching out. That is huge. I mean, I think. Only you know how your family works, sort of, but it sounds to me like they do care, they do notice and they are actually trying to show you they love you? Right? You said you've never 'seen' love from your father but maybe the love is there, he just sends it in a way you don't know how to receive. They say there are 'love' languages (there's a book about it)...maybe you send and receive love differently? I dunno. But they are trying. And the fact that they noticed you seemingly dejected at a wedding and didn't turn that against you (that would be my family) seems pretty sincere? Anyway, maybe just try to receive their love.