Dealing with Family Issues
Lately I've been trying to deal with issues involving my family. When I'm around my parents and siblings I get a lot of different feelings. I feel alone, unwanted, unappreciated, not good enough, awkward and a deep sense of not belonging. The dynamics in my family are disturbing to me. I'm not sure if it's just me being overly sensitive (I am very sensitive), but when I'm with my family I feel like it's a popularity contest...who has the best kids...the best job...the most money...who's the smartest? I never win these contests which leave me feeling the way I do. And I feel like I can never be my real self around them. I always am very guarded and quiet because that's what has kept me from getting hurt. My parents I seem are more interested in my other siblings and their lives than me. Again, maybe it's just me? I want to get over these feelings and be myself but I'm not sure how when I constantly feel disrespected and hurt.
My youngest sister recently got married. At the wedding all of my siblings were smiling and having a great time and I felt nothing but awkwardness. My parents were emotional and I'd never seen my dad cry or be emotional. This made me feel very confused, since I've never felt any kind of love from him.
And then a few days ago I get a message from my sister that she's throwing me a birthday party. That's great and everything, but come to find out she told my husband she thinks I'm not feeling loved and special, and I looked that way at the wedding. Now my family is liking all my things on facebook and wanting to throw me a pity birthday party and once again I'm feeling like the odd ball, crazy one, that everyone feels bad for.
Whew. Sorry that's a lot. I just had to get it out somehow.
Any advice?