Hi Rick I'm sorry you're so conflicted. It's perfectly understandable in the early days. It's so easy to romanticize our drinking. We imagine ourselves enjoying a lovely, fulfilling evening in which we're in perfect control. But once we've crossed the line from social to alcoholic drinking, that's not the way it happens. You said you had 5 near disasters just this month. I know you're experiencing 'fear of missing out'. Yet we know what's likely to happen if we cave & decide to risk it just one more time. I understand the longing to be a normal drinker. It can't happen for us. We take a huge chance every time we play with the idea of controlled drinking. Our new life, free of alcohol, can be much better than our old one.
Have you talked yourself out of drinking this weekend? Would you maybe be able to discuss it with your new therapist?