Yeah family. We're raised to think that family will have our backs, and we'll have theirs (because at least in my situation, I'm not a total blameless victim). Unconditional love, whatever that actually is (a feeling I think I've only seen dogs exhibit). And the family of origin, parents, siblings...often the perceived betrayal is that much worse because the expectations are so high.
I've learned that my family has been locked in a tightly woven dynamic of toxicity since my parents began laying eggs. They aren't 'bad' people, they are sick people. So they created sick kids. A dynamic of 'not enough' so everyone had to compete to get their needs met. Neglect and abuse...and I've realized its more kid vs kid. As opposed to parent vs kid.
I'm older. And I still am reduced to an angry, frightened 8 year old when faced with the dynamic of my brothers. The person I actually think I get the most frustrated with is me. I don't have to let them do this 'to me'. But I do. And I own that. I'm an adult...big time. And I see that they too are also powerless over the roles they play, and the place they have in the pecking order. And the perceptions we all seem to have of each other are locked in stone. Nothing will change. No matter what I do, I will always be the scape goat. The 'crazy' one.
So it is up to me to step off the stage. Stop playing my role. I can't control them. I can't change them. And if I keep trying to perform, I keep getting cast in my role and playing it like I'm trying to win an Oscar.
So step off the freeway. Let the cars pile up. And watch the show. When one person stops performing, it changes the whole dynamic. And as an adult, I teach people how to treat me. I'm not a victim anymore.