I'm dealing with the same thing, my exwife has been defined as the classic abuser and she tought our youngest daughter well. I have had a difficult time separating my exwife behavior and my daughters. My daughter has been able to trip my PTSD so I've had to limit exposure to her to the minimum. I feel sad for my daughter she has learned a pattern that will just bring her nothing but grief in life. But toxic to me never the less.