Originally Posted by
thegrasshopper 
For me I think, as I don’t have experience in this, it may seem that somehow he IS different and can make it on his own, or that eventually he will go to a meeting, he is so smart and so convincing about everything, I guess I am being delusional and trying to find excuses for his behaviour. Same as he finds excuses why he would drink or why he won’t go to therapy. I know this is where I go wrong
Yes, this is where you are going wrong. Imagine you have an addiction you need to hide, what skills do you need? You need to be able to put on a mask at the drop of a hat. To act "normal".
Also, you may not even know when he has been drinking. There is a reason he drinks vodka, it's a common choice for alcoholics as vodka has less odour than other alcohol. Once tolerance is built, he can probably drink quite a bit without looking drunk. A few sips here, a cup here or there.
He doesn't seek help or therapy because he isn't finished drinking probably. He may be able to quit for a few weeks, if he really has, but that doesn't mean he is no longer an addict. Being an alcoholic is forever, he has to chose to seek recovery and it's an ongoing thing.
He has treated you badly, yet you continue to give him your support in conversations. That's not good for you.
Have you checked out Al-Anon at all? Sometimes face to face support can be really helpful, there may even be a meeting tonight you could join.
Good example here of when "high functioning" eventually becomes non-functioning:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-go-back.html (I try to forgive myself, but it’s so hard. I need to stand firm and not go back!)