Hi thegrasshopper and welcome to SR, you will find lots of support here.
It takes time to detach and you can certainly do it. Time, patience, focus. No, you don't sound stupid.
First of all it's a good idea to sit down and make a list of reasons why you do not want to be in a relationship with this person. A hard copy list is a good idea because you are going to want to have it on hand to look at anytime you start ruminating about how "good" it could be. Short and to the point but a few details help, like:
- Lied to me about his drinking
- Didn't disclose that he was an alcoholic
- Hurt me more times that I can count (break this down in to specific instances - like - Cancelled our dinner plans for my birthday because he was drinking. Went out with his friends to watch football instead of meeting up for dinner.
- Put me down if I showed emotions
- Never interested in what I would like to do
- Never supported me when I needed it (like when my dog ran away)
- Not interested in meeting my friends and family
You get the idea. Whether you have this on your phone or in hard copy, keep it handy, refer to it often.
The mind does not want to dwell on the negative for long, so you are going to have to have this reminder to keep you on track.
Get busy with your life, your friends, your family your interests and social life. I'm not sure how far you have gone down the - everything revolves around the alcoholic path - but breaking free of that will be a really positive step.
So he has found his next person to try to manipulate in to his life, please don't take that personally. Sounds like he is trying to create a life where everything is "normal". Maybe he will succeed, maybe not, but he can't have you in it when he is planning it, using manipulative tactics.
Most important, cut him off! Why is he talking to you about his new girlfriend at all? That is totally out of line and so rude. That's another thing for your list! You should consider going no contact, you can be professional at work as needed but I wouldn't give him 1 minute of your time aside from that. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, this is neither.
There are some good threads here you might find useful as well:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)