Originally Posted by
batchel9 
I think I also still do must have subconscious thoughts that “maybe he will change afterall” that cause it.
Those aren't subconscious thoughts, they are thoughts. If you're aware of that thought, then it's just a belief - not something buried deep down and hard to get to or inaccessible. Any belief is just a thought that you keep thinking and any belief can be changed. You can change the belief from "maybe he will change" to "change takes long, consistent commitment to sobriety and a full time recovery program." You won't be able to change your belief in one day, but just knowing that you can slowly change it (and thus, change your emotion around it) is really important. We are never stuck with the beliefs (and subsequent feelings) that we presently have and we don't have to wait for "time" to make us feel better. Perhaps write out some of your current beliefs, try them on for feel. If they don't feel helpful to you, work on them - write out more helpful beliefs that still feel true. We absolutely can change our beliefs, since they are just thoughts that we keep repeating to ourselves.
Originally Posted by
atalose This man hasn’t changed into the person you always wished he’d be. This other woman doesn’t have some kind of magic powers that can change him. This act of his can only last so long before the mask falls off and reality rears its ugly head of alcoholism. The gf will in time begin to live the EXACT SAME LIFE with him as you did, probably worse as the disease progresses.
I am this other woman (minus the baby) and I can attest that he is the same man, if not even more progressed in his alcoholism. I have learned, the extraordinarily hard way, that unless a person chooses sobriety and active, ongoing, full time recovery program, his alcoholism will progress and worsen. He certainly will not change for the better, no matter the change in partners.