Perse, I wouldn't do anything without the attorney. You got a taste of what that will be like (i.e. we are taking a big trip......) Without the attorney or court involvement there will be no-one to hold him accountable other than you. I am amazed at how my divorce is turning out- 2 years into the process I had to hire the attorney I initially passed on because he is super aggressive and I didn't want to set the tone for the divorce. This is a marathon not a sprint- you need a great coach who will protect you along the way. Its great that he is not drinking with the kids at this point, its great until it isn't. Everyone told me this is a progressive disease and I thought wow those people are married to some real monsters mine isn't close to being that bad.................Turns out we were just at different points on the alcoholism timeline and it has become that bad. Please protect yourself and your children for the long haul.