You're doing great, whether it seems like it at times or not. What I hear from your words is you are feeling, acknowledging these feelings, reaching out, stating your needs and are open to receiving.
We can wind up with all sorts of things to process (grieving, cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding recovery, facing reality as something very different then we realized, etc.) and though they tend to have a rhythm of their own, there sometimes are many very healthy, helpful actions we can take to deal with them. It can be as easy as starting with brewing a cup of tea or as natural as sitting quietly, feeling a storm of emotions. As I trust the process by acknowledging how I've seen it work, it becomes easier. Tears, laughter, joy, pain, calmness and whatever balance starts working out. "Have there been any times this past week that you've allowed yourself to fully feel?"
Thank you for posting and being here.