What is it you want us to say, Ban? Until you stop drinking and that means this cycle of self pity/victim/blame/fear - and it means that there is nothing but harm that drinking is doing to ANY of the medical things you are dealing with or possibly have.
Do you WANT to stop? Because it doesn't sound like it.
I used this the other day on a podcast- sometimes the "softer, gentler we're glad you are here" is called for but sometimes what needs to be said is "you won't BE HERE if you don't quit."
Don't let that be the end of your story. It's up to you.