Originally Posted by
scared1 
I don't want to drink I truly want sobriety. I only have 3 days sober. I am terrified that I will drink just to drown out my feelings. My pain.
I just text my husband again begging him to love me. I know I am not healthy. I really wish I could put myself into a residential rehab but I can't. It is not possible. I need to keep my job and I have kids at home.
I am scared that I don't have enough self control.
I don't know what sobriety feels like, all I know is booze will make me feel better for at least a few hours then I will hate myself and life again in the morning. I hate this so much.
I can't even go to a meeting tonight because I have to take my youngest somewhere then I will have her with me the rest of the night.
I feel so lost and scared and alone
Just keep pushing through and stay sober. Have you looked into "urge surfing"? I found it incredibly helpful in early sobriety - if you search this site you'll find posts on it. I feel for you and the pain you are in. However, the truth is that you are not alone. Website or not - there are so many people here who have also been through the pain and suffering that you're experiencing right now. Post on SR, keep checking in. Sobriety will give you the peace, clarity and calm that you need to deal. Stay strong.