What my drinking has taught me.
Hello everyone.
I come and go quite often. Unfortunately iam not a positive case. But without sounding negative iam just going to write where i am at. I respect all advice, i know i need to stop. And this is just a letter to myself and everyone, not a cry for help or complaint.
My body is definitely crying out for help. My face has changed abit, my hair is thin and my lower back and hips seem to ache after a night of drinking. Lets not begin with what my mind thinks when iam hungover.
My hangovers used to be " eh, its hangover, itl pass" but now my hangovers are now just deeeeep depression accompanied by the physical effects.
So thursday i took the day of work and practically slept my hangover depression away ( no drinking)
Friday i was a new person. i was SOBER , i felt amazing, i felt what normal people feel - i Felt life!
But comes night time after work i just went and got 2 bottles of red because there was no point denying that i just wanted to drink and listen to music and i knew i would pay for it tomorrow.
iam a little bit a dead end here. My alcoholism has made me quite anti social, i just dont fit in anymore into crowds of people. Ive tried time and time again but iam always that odd one.
so i stopped going to activity groups to "get out and have a social life" only because iam sick of being the odd one out. Ive become quite heavly introverted and any dinners or events just bring a shiver down my spine.
my personality has become the person who drinks alone in his spare time, socializing with no one.
anyway iam at a dead end. after work all i have is my apartment and my alcohol addiction. My family is of no help as they are all seasoned alcoholics, That is a dead end for me.
I Like being sober, i really do. i enjoy the zest for life it gives. all i need is 3 to 5 days up m sleave and ive already created the habit of not wanting to drink, this i know because ive done it many times.
I know its annoying ,but iam gonna start a day counting thread again with a few paragraphs about my day as i need to look forward to something other then thinking about how to hangmyself.
Thanks everyone.