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Old 04-12-2019, 06:12 PM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Jul 2017
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What my drinking has taught me.

Hello everyone.

I come and go quite often. Unfortunately iam not a positive case. But without sounding negative iam just going to write where i am at. I respect all advice, i know i need to stop. And this is just a letter to myself and everyone, not a cry for help or complaint.

My body is definitely crying out for help. My face has changed abit, my hair is thin and my lower back and hips seem to ache after a night of drinking. Lets not begin with what my mind thinks when iam hungover.

My hangovers used to be " eh, its hangover, itl pass" but now my hangovers are now just deeeeep depression accompanied by the physical effects.

So thursday i took the day of work and practically slept my hangover depression away ( no drinking)

Friday i was a new person. i was SOBER , i felt amazing, i felt what normal people feel - i Felt life!

But comes night time after work i just went and got 2 bottles of red because there was no point denying that i just wanted to drink and listen to music and i knew i would pay for it tomorrow.

iam a little bit a dead end here. My alcoholism has made me quite anti social, i just dont fit in anymore into crowds of people. Ive tried time and time again but iam always that odd one.

so i stopped going to activity groups to "get out and have a social life" only because iam sick of being the odd one out. Ive become quite heavly introverted and any dinners or events just bring a shiver down my spine.

my personality has become the person who drinks alone in his spare time, socializing with no one.

anyway iam at a dead end. after work all i have is my apartment and my alcohol addiction. My family is of no help as they are all seasoned alcoholics, That is a dead end for me.

I Like being sober, i really do. i enjoy the zest for life it gives. all i need is 3 to 5 days up m sleave and ive already created the habit of not wanting to drink, this i know because ive done it many times.

I know its annoying ,but iam gonna start a day counting thread again with a few paragraphs about my day as i need to look forward to something other then thinking about how to hangmyself.

Thanks everyone.
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Old 04-12-2019, 06:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
Learning to live again
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It's so good to see you again, Renvate. I'm sorry for all you've been through.

There's nothing annoying about starting a daily thread - we're here to encourage you in any way we can. I don't know why I sabotaged myself by drinking, long after the enjoyment was gone. It had become nothing but a dangerous habit. I have been free of it for a long time now - and you can do it too.
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 04-12-2019, 06:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I drank like you. For the last ten years of my drinking career. Long after the fun had gone out of drinking.
Take my word for it, it only gets worse. The drinking, the hangovers and the isolation. All of it.
So I hope you can stop now before things really get bad. And they will if you continue, trust me.
Don't mean to be a downer, but that's just the way it is.
It doesn't have to be. Stop now and save yourself some real misery.

We're all here for you. Best to you.
I've seen the gutter feed on the foolish...
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Old 04-12-2019, 06:53 PM   #4 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
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As CarolD used to say, in order to stay sober you must want to be sober more than you want to drink. Not easy, but simple.

I am all too familiar with waking up hating myself and wishing I were dead. It got a hell of a lot better after I got sober for good. I no longer hate my life and I wake up each morning feeling pretty good.

I hope you'll use the support here to achieve sobriety.
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Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley
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Old 04-12-2019, 07:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Good to hear from you Renvate although I'm sorry you're still struggling.

You mentioned dead end a few times. The best way to get out of a dead end is retrace your steps and find another route - not keep bashing your head again the wall.

You say you're not a 'positive case' but you're intelligent thoughtful and empathetic - with different choices I think you easily could be a help to others here and a role model to boot

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Old 04-12-2019, 07:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Glad your here and posting Renvate, be kind to yourself, you deserve a life free from alcohol
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Old 04-12-2019, 08:51 PM   #7 (permalink)

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Hello Renvate

What wonderful messages members send. So glad. Guess compulsion becomes the energy that gets us drinking... currently, I am 8 days off of alone drinking beer in my house (sneaking). I enjoyed it for two years until I didn't. Right now, it seems strange not to drink. But, I am experiencing my former self. Yes, a few days of sobriety are like a rebirth. You can find the strength to give your love.
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Old 04-12-2019, 09:36 PM   #8 (permalink)

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Hey, wow when I read your post I thought it sounded like something i could have written!.

I hear alot of hope in your post. You enjoy being sober. You want to be sober. You are going to be posting about your day.

Drinking like we do/did is so lonely. Things really do start to change once the bottle is put down. Stay close to SR, post as much as you want/need to and stay away from that first drink one day at a time and things will get better, I promise you.

Looking forward to reading about your journey.
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Old 04-12-2019, 11:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome. It's good you post. keep posting.

I dont know much, Im only 1 week sober (today), detoxed, and dealing with stuff (I just got alc. hepatitis confirmed yesterday).

Just like you I want to start living, more than anything else in the world. This is my only chance now - but if I dont have a plan, follow (reasonable) suggestions, make some changes, sort out the mess Ive become, then I know I will relapse because what defence do I have ? - and now I know that if I continue to drink it WILL kill me. no 'maybe' here. It will - and it wont be quick, it will be painful and draw-out.

When I feel like a drink - the voice in my head will find any reason or excuse like 'just one last session will be ok' or something. So I MUST do something else (anything except drink), and have stuff to feel positive about.

Take small steps in the right direction and knowing that life will get better than this. Don't surrender to the voice-in-the-head, distract yourself somehow, it passes. really.

But there are people here with much more knowledge. Im just starting out and I can only say what people here have suggested to me. But Ive had so much support by keeping logged in here and keep posting. Dont be afraid to say how you feel. Its good to be connected.
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Old 04-12-2019, 11:39 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Its nice to watch those sober days grow in a thread!

Let's have a sober day together today

Good luck my friend.
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