Thank you all for your responses. It’s so nice to feel that someone is there that understands and won’t judge. Evenings are the hardest at the moment. I don’t feel like I can be honest with my husband - we are already in quite a strained marriage and I’m not sure how he’d react. I will take your advice and just not tell anyone at work why I’m not drinking. I’ll just say I’m have a break/detox for a while. This will probably seem strange to them as I have quite a reputation for being a party animal (which is actually the very opposite to my true personality - I think this is why I’ve had such a problem for 20 years - it started off improving confidence socially and now I’m hooked and drink like a fish at home as well). I’ve done some terrible things whilst drunk, and really really humiliated myself and black out almost every time I drink, waking up with huge depression and self loathing that it has to stop. Wow very cathartic getting this out as i’ve never told anyone this stuff! I’m still in denial that I have a drink problem as I have been like this for my entire adult life, but really looking at the situation I’m in and the amount I drink, the compulsion and black outs, I need to be honest. I still can’t use the term alcoholic though. I’m not sure if that’s normal?