Hey there-
Just to start with what I see as problem zero (for you, as you mentioned the very thing) is "being used to the chaos."
I'm jumping on just this part because I too was accustomed, conditioned, accepting of the complete unmanageability (in AA terms) of the drinking life I led. It was awful, shame-inducing, scary, and more...
There is a solution and lots of options to get support for it, once we accept we have to quit.
I said this to my mom yesterday, who is also a recovering alcoholic of many years: I don't believe in triggers. I think any one of them is a justification we use to drink - til we can replace any and all of them with different choices, and ones that keep us sober. And more than sober- in a far better place that is clear, and therefore the opposite of chaos.
I often seize on words so what is "just semantics" to some (ie, slip v relapse which all of you who have read my shares know where I come down) is central to my framing of all this recovery stuff...
What's the plan? I had to learn the new behaviors, and thoughts, and with support, that IMO and IME will address your three bullet points and much more.
Glad you are sharing.