Hi, jjwinter.
It sounds like maintaining this relationship is requiring a lot of time and work, and it also sounds like you are running out of gas on it.
How about something as old school as a list?
What are the qualities that first attracted you? Do they still? Are they still there?
What are the qualities that you find trying? Have these qualities gotten more prevalent as time has passed?
This probably doesn’t lead you to the “Time to break up right now” sign, but it may provide clarity and a way forward.
If nothing else, it may help you define and keep boundaries, like my phone is my phone. Hands off. Or I ‘ m too tired to come see you tonight. Let’s get together tomorrow.
It may be too late for that. TBH, I think it likely is.
But...the only one who can put the brakes on toward someone who clearly has no boundaries of her own is you.