Originally Posted by
jjwinters 
... I try to hold on to her positive attributes and give her chances to improve.
All of us love an alcoholic who is a beautiful person underneath the alcoholism and codependent thinking. You're likely to see less and less of those positive attributes unless she (and you) opt for a recovery program - not simply sobriety. Alcohol consumption is but one symptom in a web of painful relationships, as you experience with her family and within yourself. The only part that you have control over is exploring why you are so drawn to this person and situation - and questioning whether it's good for you to continue your involvement with this family - because you are indeed involved with this
family. What about them feels familiar (family-like) to you?
There's no fruit in trying to "be there for her" or in "giving her a chance" unless she is choosing active, committed recovery right now. That's my experience with dating an active alcoholic for three years. The fruitful aspect for me has been the opportunity for massive growth and insight about myself during my own recovery program in AlAnon. Emotional involvement with an active alcoholic is a wonderful chance to learn how to truly love and let people be who they choose to be - and also to learn that we cannot save anyone or "be there" for anyone, really. We can only love people, exactly as they are choosing to be - today.