Losing myself to alcoholic girlfriend
I am about a year into dating my alcoholic girlfriend. Her drinking has lessened but she still can't help but get extremely drunk when the opportunity is there - birthday's, traveling, etc. In fact, she just went to Mexico for a friend's birthday. She's only been there a few hours and already called me very drunk, slurry, dramatic... Not surprising given the destination but she was clearly off to the races.
But the thing I have found to be much more disturbing than her excess drinking, is the way my life has essentially disappeared into this black hole surrounding her. I had tons of friends - I hardly speak to anyone any more. I used to write a lot of music and pursued many creative endeavors - I have hardly anything to show for the last year. She has consumed just about every living minute of my daily life.
In a lot of ways, she's a really great person and has been very compassionate about other issues I have. But this sort of "take over" of my life is scary. I can't look at my cell phone without her having to peer over and involve herself in who I'm talking to. Her poor self esteem is also getting painful to listen to. She is constantly complaining about how she looks and if I see the problems she's seeing. It puts me in an incredibly awkward situation because I'm constantly having to tell her she doesn't look bad.
To sort of jump back to this trip she's on... I am now noticing how much "space" there is when she's not here. Even when she's not at my place, she just inundates me with anything and everything. Any time I have something to do, I know we have to do something immediately after and I always feel that I'm on the clock. She gets very hurt by any free time not spent together. As a creative person, free time is when you get to create.
Has any one else experienced anything like this? It's almost like a hypnosis. It's an extreme co-dependency unlike anything I've ever personally dealt with. And yes, I do understand that I am part of the equation. I guess I feel like I try to hold on to her positive attributes and give her chances to improve.