Hi Guy,
I'm so glad to see that you've come back here. That takes a lot of determination, and I admire you for it. I would really like to say something useful to you, and the best I can come up with is to share my own experience in the hope that it helps.
27 days ago, after many years of struggling with my alcohol addiction, I was beat. I hated waking up weekday mornings because I'd have to struggle through another day of stomach pains, shakiness, worry that people would call me out on my crap, followed by resignation to the fact that I would drink again that same night. I'd already been through counseling, outpatient rehab, detox, hospitalization, inpatient rehab, and an imposed three months' leave from work. Still, I had continued on for another two years. It seemed that it would be impossible for me to quit, but it was assuredly impossible to carry on.
27 days ago, I decided that I had to quit. I would taper off on that Monday and Tuesday I would be done. I failed on Monday and wound up drinking even more than my usual weekday amount. On Tuesday, I made a deal with my therapist that if I could not taper off that very day, I would have to be admitted inpatient again.
25 days ago, I was done. Well and truly done. I knew all along that the answer to my drinking problem was to simply stop drinking. But there was nothing simple about it - everything wrong in my life was tangled up in a messy knot. I finally came to a profound belief and understanding that the only way out was to separate the alcoholic strand from that knotty mess of my life. People here and everywhere had told me over and over that not only must it be done, it could be done. I realized that my addiction had convinced me that it was too hard. I (it!) was too ashamed to have to leave work again for treatment. It had me trapped. But the very simple truth that all it took was to not drink finally finally sunk in. And so that's what I've done.
Every thing you are feeling now is "normal" for people like us. We all know you can do this. If you don't feel confident enough in your own belief, believe the people here who are telling you that you can do it. As I was told years ago, there is no reason not to set your confidence level to an arbitrary 100% - you can Do This.
Like EndGame, I think you've made a good list and would second his advice to be cautious of taking on too much lest you find yourself feeling like a failure for not having done it all. Make a goal to cross at least one thing, no matter how small, off the list each day. Soon you will find yourself doing more just because you've set yourself in motion.
I think phoning AA is a great first thing to do. It couldn't hurt, right? And I would suggest that you think about doing a thorough cleaning and rearranging of your bedroom. I think it would lift your spirits and help you to be able to return to that place for true respite.
Don't do what I did. Stick with this now and I promise you will never regret it.
O