Didn't sleep at all !!!
I have a meeting with my Pastor at 10:30 this morning to vent and for him to basically help me keep my sanity. Spouse is unhappy because he knows, of course, that he will be one of the topics. He tried to "control my emotions" by telling me that if I went to my meeting, that he would have to back out of a church function scheduled for next Sunday. Couldn't give me a reason or an example of how one relates to the other. We were talking last night and I told him that it is not all about him anymore, that I have a life seperate from alcohol and I had concerns that I wanted to discuss with our Pastor and that he was not the MAIN topic. That seemed to disturb him more than actually being the main topic of conversation ! I told him that I loved him and always would, but I have to do what is best for me and my child. He went to bed and woke up at 12:15 AM, came to the computer room where I was and sat down to talk. While we were talking, HE GOT UP AND FIXED A DRINK !!!! At 12:15 am !!! I was sooooo ......I don't even know what I was. I asked him why on Earth was he fixing a drink instead of just going back to bed and , of course, he got defensive. I just went to bed myself. He came in and proceeded to snore loudly all the rest of the night. I finally got up. I wanted to smack him really hard, but then I also find it so pathetic. He said last night that he doesn't want to go back to therapy because that makes his weaknesses obvious. DUH !! How weak is getting up at midnight and fixing a drink ?????? He has a job offer way across the country and can't understand why I am not committed to going with him. #1 What if gets fired again? #2 I don't want to lose my support and be all alone in a strange place with him #3 Why uproot a teenager when it may be temporary? Sorry for being so long..thanks for reading.