Didn't sleep at all !!!

Old 11-15-2005, 04:41 AM
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Angry Didn't sleep at all !!!

I have a meeting with my Pastor at 10:30 this morning to vent and for him to basically help me keep my sanity. Spouse is unhappy because he knows, of course, that he will be one of the topics. He tried to "control my emotions" by telling me that if I went to my meeting, that he would have to back out of a church function scheduled for next Sunday. Couldn't give me a reason or an example of how one relates to the other. We were talking last night and I told him that it is not all about him anymore, that I have a life seperate from alcohol and I had concerns that I wanted to discuss with our Pastor and that he was not the MAIN topic. That seemed to disturb him more than actually being the main topic of conversation ! I told him that I loved him and always would, but I have to do what is best for me and my child. He went to bed and woke up at 12:15 AM, came to the computer room where I was and sat down to talk. While we were talking, HE GOT UP AND FIXED A DRINK !!!! At 12:15 am !!! I was sooooo ......I don't even know what I was. I asked him why on Earth was he fixing a drink instead of just going back to bed and , of course, he got defensive. I just went to bed myself. He came in and proceeded to snore loudly all the rest of the night. I finally got up. I wanted to smack him really hard, but then I also find it so pathetic. He said last night that he doesn't want to go back to therapy because that makes his weaknesses obvious. DUH !! How weak is getting up at midnight and fixing a drink ?????? He has a job offer way across the country and can't understand why I am not committed to going with him. #1 What if gets fired again? #2 I don't want to lose my support and be all alone in a strange place with him #3 Why uproot a teenager when it may be temporary? Sorry for being so long..thanks for reading.
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Old 11-15-2005, 05:23 AM
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Yes, Idget. I am in A-Anon and I have learned so much there. My 22 year old also goes. The 16 year old does have the Alateen books, but we don't have a meeting near us, so she sometimes comes with us. Usually she is busy with friends and school activities. We all are aware of his manipualtions and our reactions, but like you said, itis hard sometimes. The 22 year old said the other day that it is no fair for him to be such a great person and make us love him so much, just to make us watch him kill himself. I didn't have an answer for that. Thanks for the input.
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Old 11-15-2005, 05:30 AM
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Thank you for sharring.I totaly understand,where you are at,been there too.
When i first started recovery,my hub went wild.Even to the point of trying to stop,me,blocking my way out the door.Didnt matter,i was going anyways.To do whatever it takes for my own serenity,regardless,of how another thinks/feels about it all.Yup it was bad at first,dealing with all his trying to stop me,but it would have been alot worse for me,had i not,be willing to go to all,and any lenghts,for my own recovery.Eventually as he was learning my new behaviour of not letting him stop me,he just gave it up.Even the emotional black-mail didnt work.I went regardless...
my prayers are with you.
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Old 11-15-2005, 09:07 AM
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I would encourage him to take the gig 1/2 way accross country and tell him you'll stay to wrap up the "old house" details and and meet him there. Then change the locks and your phone number.

sorry, feeling very "in poor taste" today...
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Old 11-15-2005, 09:20 AM
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My ex ah would fix himself a drink after I brought him home from jail for his DUI's,3 times, cause you know getting a DUI can be very stressfull,so lets have a drink after spending $2500.00 on bail.
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Old 11-15-2005, 07:53 PM
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I hope you had a good meeting with teh pastor and it helped. You need to get this out. I can understand you not wanting to move with someone who is not dependable and may get fired soon after moving miles away from home.
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