And a few times I remember, sinfully asking God to just let him die.
I guess if you believe in a punishing God and that God answered your prayers for him to die and gave you that gift on your birthday then that is what you sadly believe. I personally don’t believe in a punishing God and I think it’s simply a strange coincidences that given his life style he happened to pass away on your birthday.
I agree, you don’t need to rid your guilt by telling your friend. Simply try and forgive yourself for having those complex mixed emotional thoughts during a stressful time seeing your friend hurting and not really knowing how to help or what to do.