I have just returned from a week long trip – not business- just pleasure. The people we went to visit are completely into the wine scene and culture – they are one of the best wine producers in our country.
We had a holiday with them in July last year – away from home for all of us – in Brittany. The amount of wine consumed was frightening ( I was still drinking then) , BUT … it was all done in a “wine culture” way. Like if you are drinking very expensive wine – it can’t be seen as imbibing . It doesn’t count, or put you out there with other wino’s .
So, we were going to see them again, about 2 months into my recovery and my husband – bless him – declined. He said he didn’t think it would be fair on me. This last week , (I am now 7 months sober) , it was like a reunion. Again centered around wonderful meals and conversations around the table . These people are very close to my heart , I love them dearly. Their newest wine was brought to the table ( it hasn’t been distributed yet, not available in the stores yet) and I had to pass. Even though they are very dear to me, and I believe I am to them too, I got the distinct feeling of them closing up a little towards me when I declined the wine.
I don’t think they meant to make me feel uncomfortable , and no big scene was made, but it’s nearly like those sayings … “never trust a person who ….” and in this case “who doesn’t drink”. It is so very much part of their culture – high flyers, very wealthy people - I don’t think they even see alcoholism as a “thing”. They all drink , it’s just what they do , every day, part of their lives.
I agree that these get togethers all have one thing in common – the expectation of drinking. Socialising without drinking is not part of their mindset , and I think they find it odd, more than anything else. Just odd. I had a wonderful time, never went to bed before they did , and really never judged them even for one second as they began slurring their words and repeating their stories. They got louder and louder ( but so did I , otherwise I wouldn’t have been heard) . And I proved to myself that I can do this.And enjoy it !! I had a huge pang once – when they brought out the new cultivar for us to taste – but I managed to get through it .
Looking back on the week spent with them, it is with fondness. I know that I didn’t put a damper on anything , they definitely didn’t hold back because of me not drinking, but I can only hope that it doesn’t change the dynamics of our friendship. It’s one thing to say “I don’t care what anyone thinks” but another thing if they are people in my life who mean so much to me and who I don’t want to lose. Nothing… nothing will make me pick up again, and I can only hope that they don’t see me any different now just because I’m not drinking.