dandylion - thank you!
I think the place I fall down is when she claims "my mental illness made me do it".
I have never had bipolar disorder and chemical dependency, so I don't know what it is really like and if they truly can't help themselves.
All I do know is that if she truly can't help herself, then she's doomed to keep getting worse until she dies and I don't think my Higher Power expects me to go down with her. (hence the boundaries)
Even the mental health professionals say that "she has to choose" - and I have often wondered... is it the addiction, is it the mental illness or is it immaturity - or a nasty mix of all three. I think it is all three and until she starts diligently working on that, she will continue to struggle.
In the end I have concluded that she really has not yet had the spiritual awakening necessary to even take step one. She has not truly accepted that she is the author of all this chaos. I am sad because if I were her and woke up one day and realized I had created all the destruction in my life that she's created in hers for 15 years and all the time I'd lost, I'd be horrified. (Of course, I'd get to work cleaning it up, but that's me).
I agree with you also - she simply cannot live in my house. Our patterns are too ingrained and interlinked. It was very hard for the 40 days she was here (for me) because I was simply working on letting go and waiting for God to arrange for the group home to open up. That 40 days taught me that I cannot do anything to influence her for the better.
Thanks again for the added insight. I really helps a LOT.