troubledone….I would take that one step further....speaking to you with criticism and anger...deliberately hurtful...is more than just "stinkin thinkin", in my opinion.....People, also, are disrespectful to those that they know will tolerate it, and, they know they can get away with it.....
that is why they hurt those that have been the very best to them. She knows that you have a "soft" heart and are vulnerable.
Also, there is the other dynamic---that those who are dependent on others, actually resent their own dependence...and, will, often strike out in anger at the one that they depend on...(one sees this, a lot , in teens who are struggling between the independence/dependence phase of development). She sounds immature, to me...
I am so glad to hear that you are realizing that this is boundary time, around this behavior. I hope you make the boundary that you will never endure her speaking to you like that, ever again. That will be a lot easier if she is never allowed to live in your house, ever again.....