Troubledone

Hello all.

Most know my story - addicted niece in and out of my house, rehab, jail, all multiple times over the past 15 (yes, 15) years. Last summer she was committed after a psychotic episode triggered by her drug use resulted in her becoming Bipolar.

She went through 6 months of intensive rehab, and then moved in with a dysfunctional boyfriend and they fought to much they got evicted. (she could have moved elsewhere after treatment but didn't do the work needed to arrange it).

Anyway, I let her come back TEMPORARILY when they got evicted since shelters were full and it was winter. At the time I insisted that if she came here, she would take the very first option that came open for housing. She hoped to find an apartment (she has a housing voucher, food stamps, etc.) but spent too much time in drama with the boyfriend to actually make progress there. And, she is going to have to do a LOT of work to find a place since she has a lot of debt, bad credit and criminal history working against her.

So - today she moved into a new facility. Supported living for people with cognitive disabilities/mental illness.

I felt good about it because in the last 40 days she's been here she started up again with staying up all night, sleeping all day and pulling her hair out again (after growing back in treatment, she now has a 3" diameter bald spot and the rest of her hair doesn't' look good either - she wears hats all the time). All symptoms of the last slip into crisis.

Of course she's not happy. She says the People are disheveled, staff is unhelpful, food is bad, they didn't have sheets for her and the place is dirty.

Odd - you could say all that about the old boyfriend's apartment, but that didn't seem to bother her.

Anyway, just as she's being picked up to go, she says she needs $50 for the internet at the place. I say I gotta think on it - then she says how about $20...hmmm. then she texts to say the internet requires a credit card. I just don't respond.

so what is my problem?

I feel bad for her.

If she could live in my house without doing drugs, have a normal sleep schedule and not have drama with the stupid boyfriend every 5 minutes, I could handle her being here. But if I suggest some minor values like that, she goes ballistic and says we are controlling her.
Evidently being in the "horrible" living situation she's in now, is preferable to being controlled by us requiring her to live like a normal human.

So, she has no job, no money, no internet, an idiot for a boyfriend who is in rehab himself, bad credit, a criminal record and I can't handle her being in my home because it is making me physically sick.

So, as much as I love her, I can see she needs to be in this facility- if for no other reason than I can have some sanity in my life.

I allow myself to hope that if she's miserable enough she might start actually working with her therapist and psychiatrist and caseworker. But its still hard for me to see someone I love suffer.

Of course, probably at least 50% of the world population would think the facility a huge improvement on their situation and having someone provide all their meals would seem opulent. I suppose everything is relative.

So - thanks for reading. Sorry for the long post. I believe I'm doing the right thing.. its just hard to watch her struggle when the way out is so obvious to me.

Thanks SR community for being there...