I still can't explain my thoughts and concepts about what exactly my higher power is and that is definitely alright with me. They are changing and evolving, as is my journey.
Three of the most liberating words in the English language are "I don't know". For years I knew how the universe should run. That attitude and subsequent actions qualified me for my seat in AA. Realizing that "I don't know" squat and am clueless got me in the door. Accepting that I don't have all the answers keeps me here. More will be revealed to me the longer I stay.
I don't need to be able to define my higher power. I just need to try to expand my conscious contact with whatever it may be. As I do that, I learn more about it.