hiall813

I don't expect everyone to respond or forgive me and I won't be over posting like a bat out of hell. The only thing I can do is apologize and hope people understand I am aware they were in worse situations and I take accountability for being selfish, vulnerable, weak, and rude as it felt like I was the only person in the world going through this.

Living in the ocean state and moving to Mass I was surrounded by huge bridges. Several times while I was driving over a huge scary bridge he would get bad with verbal and I thought it would escalate to domestic. One time we left a cookout where in his mind I wanted his cousin. I did not but the ride home which was very long I HEARD IT it got so bad he punched my dashboard going over a bridge.

I now have phobia of bridges it's bad there are beaches everywhere out here I'm petrified of going over. I tried one as I had no choice my foot started shaking on the pedal and hand on steering wheel. I called 911 and begged the police to come keep me safe but they could not the officer did get me over and helped me deep breathe and was like you can do it.

I'm afraid to do it just yet without working with a therapist, Celebrate Recovery, and exercise. It's embarassing I feel disabled I get job opportunities in a town that has the Sky Bridge it is frightening. It is in the sky seriously. I know 5 minutes at a time and exposure therapy will help. I have tackled like 3 bridges out here but they are flat with water on the side. Highways I'm fine, back streets, but a bridge I relive those scary moments and I'm afraid I'll lose control of my vehicle. Do I want to do that? No, absolutely not as I could hurt myself or someone else. I was the go-to-girl to drive long distances and go over bridges about 2 years now it's frightening and I feel like a failure. My mom said this happened to her later in life and a therapist helped her conquer it. Maybe it's genetics but I don't think so. I don't be;ieve an anxiety med or benzo would help. If you are deathly afraid I don't think any med would help talking it out would. On top of that benzos are addictive so being on them for a bridge doesn't seem sensible. Anybody experience this high panic or fear of heights or some strange anxiety you think could have resulted from a toxic relationship?

Thank you